There are countless days that I wish I didn’t have to leave you to someone else’s care. Those early morning drop offs are not always a breeze for you or your mother as well. The struggle of knowing that someone else gets to teach you those new things, kiss those playground bumps and bruises, and listen to your imagination run wild all day long while I’m at work is not easy. The separation is sometimes more than I can bear, but the warm welcoming return is oh so bittersweet.
That moment I pull into the garage and you instantly open the door as if you’ve been standing there all afternoon just waiting to hear my tires hit the concrete. The excitement in your eyes as I carry all my stuff in and you’re breathlessly talking a mile a minute about what just happened 5 minutes ago. The urgency you feel to have to show me every battle wound you received is what I live for. Those cheesy grins that are all teeth and tall tales of what sweat treats daddy has fully polished off while I’m at work are the highlights of my day.
Even though Mommy has to work every weekday and all day, I look forward to those soft quiet nights of brushing your hair, singing song after song, rubbing your back and kissing you goodnight. After a long day of juggling projects, requirements, requests, and meetings; I look forward to those simple moments of being with you. Those silly times of shadow puppets on the bedroom ceiling and bathtubs full of every plastic toy you could find. Those little reminders of how you don’t like to have both your legs covered up at night and how you get scared of the dark. Those are the moments I will always cherish.
I often find myself daydreaming of us having endless days full of adventures, but then I’m reminded that this mommy, your mommy, is a working mommy and will probably always be. So instead of focusing on the moments with you that are lost, I will only concentrate on the memories yet to come and continue to cherish those that have already been.
My fear is that before I even finish blinking, you will have already grown into a beautiful young lady still holding true to your silly and carefree personality. You won’t need me to sing you a song every night or to search everywhere for a certain stuffed animal. You won’t need me to make up silly stories on the way to school or to read every piece of text you can find. You won’t be patiently waiting at the garage door when I return from a long day at work. You won’t be waiting.
You will have moved on to discover yourself and to discover the world, but I, your working mother, will be waiting. I will be waiting for those moments that will be few and far between. Those instances when you need me, and while I wait patiently I will be surrounded by the memories we shared together when your mommy wasn’t working.
With Love Always,
*Photos courtesy of Kasey Loftin Photography